"it's not a big deal" tip

it's very important to note when someone says, "it's not a big deal, but . . . "  they don't mean it.  they actually mean that it IS a big deal--a big, huge, freaking deal.  if it wasn't a big deal, they wouldn't have mentioned it at all in the first place.  i really hate that.  it's so confusing.  i wish people didn't do that . . . if you have something to say, just say it.  don't preface it with a totally fake "it's not a big deal."  how do you promote good communication with those kinds of tactics?  can you please just say what you mean?  i mean, you don't have to be a dick about it.  you know just, "hey, this is a problem.  what can we do about it?" 

 

anyway, i didn't fully realize this until recently.  to me, it was always, well if it's not a big deal, then i don't need to change.  but now, i realize what people really mean . . .