plant tip

fake plants are weird.  why not get real plants?  i'd rather have nothing than have a fake plant.  fake plants at a restaurant are especially strange.

opening doors

how to make someone feel shiny and special:  when you're the driver, open the door for your passenger from the outside.  then when herm gets in, shut the door for herm.  a cheap way to make someone feel like royalty.  tada!

drop off tip

when you're dropping someone off, wait until they are safely indoors before driving away, just in case they've forgotten their keys or whatever.

grocery bagging tip

so i used to be a professional grocery bagger.  it was one of my very first jobs.  basically you want to put the heavy, dense stuff like potatoes and broccoli on the bottom and the fragile items on top.  if you have a fresh basket of strawberries, you want to wrap those in a small, brown paper bag and place them on the top.  double bag for additional support. 

sneaky cop rise tip

become a cop, work the streets for a year.  get knocked up.  now you're on safe desk duty.  keep having kids and keep being on desk duty.

shoe reminder tip

typically in chinese households, you take off your shoes when entering the home.  i've found that a great way to remember to take something out is to put it by my shoes.  if i have to remember to grab something from the fridge, say, i'll turn one shoe upside down and when i'm ready to go, i'll be like, "hey, that's weird . . . oh yeah, i have to remember to bring the milk."

gym tip

i passed a gym the other day and noticed all the people using the treadmills at the giant front windows.  then i noticed 2 bikes parked in the rack.  why do people insist on going to the gym when they can exercise FOR FREE?  i don't get it.  sure they might want to work on specific areas of their bodies, but honestly, people were just using the treadmills. 

 

go exercise in nature--for free instead of being in a smelly gym.  and you know all those people in there are judging you. 

cheap costume tip

i read this one in a magazine many years ago.  put on a pink shower cap and carry a small chair over your head.  tada!  you're a piece of gum stuck under the chair!

library tip

don't leave your kids in the library.  people are looking at porn on the computers. 

bumper tip

bring back the big, black rubber car bumper!!!!  i hate how for cars nowadays, one little tap and you've got a $1000 bill to fix the bumper.  life was better when we could just booiiinnnngggg bounce off the black rubber bumper and be on our merry way.

signature tip

on the compose a message screen of email, there should be this option where you can either display a signature or not.  i don't want signatures in ALL my emails, just some.  ideally i'd be able to just click a box and have my signature show.  i kind of can't believe this function isn't already available . . .

sushi tip

should you ever open a sushi restaurant, make sure the sushi chefs don't automatically add any wasabi to the sushi.  if i want to feel like i've snorted a liter of water, i'll go to my local swimming pool.  many a good piece of sushi have been ruined with a tiny bit of wasabi.  i hate that stuff!  eaters can freaking add their own wasabi.

leftover tip

if you have to save some leftovers for someone, take out a portion before serving to the other guests.

cookbook tip

make notes in your cookbooks or recipe printouts of whether or not the recipe worked.  words like, "yum" or "yuck!" work wonders in helping to determine if you want to make a particular dish again.  i've also taken to writing a big "1/2" with a circle around it if i want to halve the recipe.  that way you're less likely to accidentally forget.

no antibacterial ointment tip

in the olden days of taiwan, before there was antibac ointment, my dad's uncle got a bunch of splinters.  hair grease and dandruff was the substitute for today's topical antibacterial medicines.  you'd have to find someone who hadn't washed his hair in a few days.  i'm glad we've got longs drugs now.

no tp tip

in the olden days in taiwan, before there was toilet paper, people would whittle thin shards of bamboo with which to wipe, or rather scrape their asses. 

dish tip

let your dishes air dry. look, the only benefit to towel drying your dishes is that they won't have spots. but take a look at all the prep work you have to do! you have to get a towel. then you have to wash that towel to make sure it's clean. next you will have to wring the towel. after that you have to physically wipe down the whole surface area of your dishes. that's way too many steps for something that the air will do for free!

raisin tip

the comedic potential of a raisin increases tenfold when placed in one's nostrils. the same goes for a jelly bean.

exit strategy tip

when you go to a party with someone, have a secret signal that means "we should leave soon."

cramp tip

menstrual owies? eat a banana. have a baked potato. put something warm on your womb.

getting in line tip

before standing in a long line, ask someone at the end what it's for. want to stand in line for mamma mia tix? make sure you're not accidentally getting in line for dark knight tickets.

taiwanese forms tip

if you ever find you have to fill out a form in taiwan, note that putting an "x" in the check mark means that you're NOT choosing that box. you have to use an ACTUAL check mark to indicate you want that option--don't use "x."

taiwanese barber shop tip

some places that look like barber shops on the outside are actually brothels in taiwan.

sick food tip

go get some cans of campbells chicken soup with wild rice. sick comfort food . . .

supermarket sushi tip

i don't think i've ever had good supermarket sushi. being in the fridge hardens up the rice. rock hard sushi rice equals yuck. for much better sushi, go to a restaurant!

index card flashcard tip

i used to have to memorize a ton of chinese characters in college. i'd put 4 characters on each index card--one in each corner. save the treeeeeeeeees . . .

temporary wavy hair tip

while your hair is freshly washed, tie it up in a bun and when it's dry, it'll be wavy for a while.

how to clean glasses tip

ideally use those soft cloths that you get at the optometrist's office. next best is probably a soft cotton shirt. mr. shayler said not to use toilet paper because the small course fibers actually scratch the lens.

multiply by nine tip

coolest math trip ever! palms down, lay out your fingers with the fingers all spread out on a table. your left pinky is 1, your left ring finger is 2, left middle finger is 3, etc. ok, so if you want to multiply 4 by 9, what you do is put down finger #4 which would be your left index finger. now you see that you have 3 fingers standing to the left of the new gap. and you have 6 fingers standing to the right of the new gap. 3-6--see? 4x 9=36! tada! it's like mathemagic! this works up to 9x9.

books tip

when you're looking for nonfiction books to learn about a subject, don't ignore the children's books. typically children's books have lots of good information and they're written in clear language. i've found them to be a great way to get a basic grasp whatever topic i'm researching.

best knot EVER tip

there's a knot called the turtle knot that's fab for tying your shoes. it's much more elegant than a double knot, which is difficult to untie. with the turtle knot, you can just pull on one end string to untie, but the magical thing about the turtle knot is that it STAYS tied until you want to untie it. with regular bow knots, they come untied all the time. i'll show you how to tie it, if you want. it's really easy.

amusement park tip

chicks, don't wear white or light colored t-shirts on water rides because they become see thru.

how to not be scared of the dark tip

when i was little, i used to be really scared of the dark. then one day i was pissed off at the world and decided that i didn't care what happened. that night i slept in the dark with no nightlight and no fear. after that i wasn't scared of the dark anymore. work your anger to your advantage.

kids falling tip

ok so this is advice from a former cry baby. when a kid falls, don't act all worried, going, "oh my gosh! are you ok?!" for a sensitive kid, this freaks them out and starts the waterworks. just smile and say cheerfully, "get back up!" and you know, make sure the kid's not bleeding or whatever.

elevator tip

i usually try to avoid elevators, especially when they smell like piss. mostly i take the stairs because hey, it's good exercise. plus i'm afraid of being trapped in there with crazy people.

another tevas tip

you can run comfortably in tevas! BART was late and i ran to the library. tevas have such a wide sole that it's easy to run in them. plus, you feel super balanced too.

chinese restaurant tip

avoid the restaurants where the tables are set with forks instead of chopstiocks. and go only to the restaurants that have lots of chinese people eating in them.

are we there yet? tip

potentially, a kid asking, "are we there yet?" every 2 minutes during a drive can be maddening. i used to just say, "when i park the car and open the door, that means we're there." then i would enjoy the end of the "are we there yet?" questions.

period tip

keep a spare set of pants and underwear in your car trunk just in case you period on your clothes.

chip clip tip

i'm a poet! we don't really bother with buying chip clips to seal bags. instead we just use clothespins.

pasta tip

right after you cook pasta, dump it in a colander. i usually have a plate under the colander just in case some noodles try to escape. run cold water over the noodles and give the colander a couple of good shakes to keep the noodles from sticking to each other. one giant mass of spaghetti brain is a bit disturbing.

backpack tip

i started doing this when i lived in taiwan--pickpocket capital of the world. when riding on crowded public transportation, wear your backpack on the front of your body to deter pickpocketers. you might look like a dweeb, but you'll be a dweeb who still has his wallet! and that's the better kind of dweeb to be.

if you have a purse, try to get velcro so when someone tries to open it, you can hear it.

phone tip

when ending a phone call, don't be so quick to hang up. i've inadvertently hung up on so many people who were in the middle of telling me, "goodbye." wait a couple of beats before hanging up.

library books and food tip

don't read a library book while you're eating. imagine that same book being read by a filthy disgusting person sitting on a toilet taking a huge dump. assume that library books are dirty.

skin a fish tip

ok, this is way more effective if you can actually WATCH someone doing it. put the fish, skin side down on your cutting board. angle your knife and make a small cut between the skin and the meat. now with your sharp knife at a 30 degree angle, use your other hand to anchor the skin. slowly, holding the knife down at an angle, drag it over the skin. fish skin is amazingly tough stuff and won't cut while you're doing this. but again, if you can get someone to show you, it'll be a better way to learn.

fire tip

pyrophobic? use those long lighters where you push a button and the flame is a foot away.

dork tip

have a clear understanding with your friends to have them let you know when you have a piece of lettuce stuck to your face.

eraser tip

don't have an eraser? you can use a rubber band to rub off the graphite from a pencil.

sock rag tip

a college roommate would use old socks to wipe down a fogged up bathroom mirror.

avoid turning 30 tip

in the duodecimal system which has a base of 12 instead of 10, you'll be turning 26 years old and not 30.

tampon tip

set your alarm on your cellphone to remind you when to remove your tampon. it's usually 8 hours.

happiness tip

it's easier to be happy when you're not obsessed with what other people think of you.

water tip

kidney stones hurt like mad. drink lots of water.

watch tan tip

to avoid a watch tan, fasten your watch to your belt loop instead of on your wrist.

spoon fun tip

heat up a regular size metal spoon with your hot breath and by rubbing it vigorously with your fingers. once it's nice and warm you can stick it on the end of your nose and it'll stay!

patriotic tip

want to feel particularly patriotic? go watch a baseball game and sit in the regular seats. stand up during the star spangled banner and put your right hand over your heart.

boy eyeliner tip

only chicks should wear eyeliner. the only guys who can remotely pull it off are keith richards and johnny depp in pirates of the caribbean.

big hair tip

if you have big hair, work it! big hair is the best!

photo preservation tip

keep photos and paintings away from direct sunlight because over time, they fade in the light.

cheer up tip

feeling down? go stand in front of your mirror and stick a couple of cigarettes up your nostrils. i promise you'll feel better in no time.

happy morning commute tip

listen to sarah and vinnie or whoever her partner happens to be.

women's bathroom tip

chicks are dumb. when you go to the women's bathroom and there's a line, look under the stalls. you'll usually find that at least one stall is empty. for some reason, chicks are wired to just stand in line and not check under the stall. break the cycle!

store checkout tip

at places like Target, you can bypass the usual long lines by paying for your purchases at the electronics department.

thrift shop tip

When you buy clothes, especially at a thrift shop, be sure to look carefully at each article you're considering to make sure there are no defects. Remember, you're buying other people's castaways. Look for stains.

random laugh fest tip

go watch harold and kumar 2. it's hilariously random. and there is a whole lot of nakedness. completely random, insane nakedness.

clean mouse tip

If the tracking ball gets dirty, the mouse is hard to use. You can take out the ball and wipe it off, then wipe off the little rolling tubes inside the mouse. They're probably covered with a thin layer of debris. Put the cover back on and it'll work better now.

envelope tip

lick an envelope?  ick.  i use elmer's glue on the seal.  my grandma would use grains of cooked rice.

eating with chinese people tip

oldest person gets food first.

zoo tip

when allowed, touch the animals.  it's neat to feel the skin of a snake, the prickles of a starfish body, the roughness of a skate's wing.  touching the animals definitely makes for a better zoo experience.

memories tip

every once in a while, take a look at your old pictures.  reminisce about what a dork you were.  know that you're still a dork.

walking tip

when walking, keep eyes slightly down to avoid stepping in gum.

sunglass case tip

quick and easy way to store your sunglasses are in a clean sock.  just make sure you don't sit on your bag.

name tip

for goodness sakes, don't give your kid a ridiculous name.  pilot inspektor?  apple?  sunday?  that's just bad parenting.  your kids are going to have enough to deal with, without you giving them a massively craptastic name.

wheelchair tip

when having a full on convo with a wheelchair bound person, lower your body so he's not craning his neck to see you.  you're probably a lot taller than he is.

blind tip

if a blind person asks for directions, you should offer to escort him if it's a short distance and ask if he'd like to take hold of your arm.  don't just drag him heave ho to wherever.

deaf tip

when communicating with a deaf person who has a sign language interpreter, your eyes should be looking at the deaf person and NOT the signer.

kid tip

don't ignore your kids.  you had them.  you have to pay attention to them, at least some of the time.  and watch what you say around them.  they don't really have good filters and what you say, they may repeat at embarrassing moments.

best smell tip

what can be better than the smell of nothing?

prayer tip

if you're new to praying, here's the basic structure of my prayers.  first tell God what you're thankful for.  this can be what you're thankful for in general, what you're thankful for that month, that week, that day, etc.  then ask Him for what you want.  typically i ask that He watch over me and the people i love.  my prayers are super simple.

contacts tip

hard contacts really hurt.  if you happen to get dust in your eye, it feels like diamonds.  sometimes they can roll under your eye.  go get lasik if you can.

response tip

the antiwhiner is such a superstar with this.  she's super diligent about letting people know whether or not she can attend events.  she shares factors that may impede her arrival and provides updates on any changes.  that way people aren't sitting around wondering what's up.  she's good peoples.

apple tip

my mom used to immerse peeled cut fuji apples in a bowl of water sprinkled with a little bit of salt.  you let it sit there for a minute and take it out.  they don't turn brown and they don't taste salty because the solution was so diluted.  salty apples would drive me mad!

semantics tip

the phrase "i could care less" actually means that you DO care.  look at it another way.  if i were to say, "i could drink less," it implies that i drink something, but if i wanted to, i could drink a little less.  if you DON'T care, you should say, "i COULDN'T care less."  it means that the amount of care you have for whatever you're talking about is zero.

recipe tip

i'm totally guilty of this.  when you make something from a recipe, slowly read the entire recipe thru to make sure you have enough of each ingredient and the proper pans, etc.  also note when you might need to take something out, flip it over and throw it back in, eg. with basting a broiling fish.

hug tip

how to hug:  wrap your arms around the person and squeeze.  on a scale of 1-10, squeeze at a 6.  you are not a limp fish.  make it last for at least 2-3 seconds.  release your prey.

free food tip

costco sample hour. farmers markets. wander around a park and look for people who are winding down their picnic party and have tons of extra food.  chances are they don't want to take it home and if you look pitiful enough, they might offer you some.  bulk bins from supermarkets.  make friends with people who are trying to lose weight.  they'll gladly give you their evil (but delicious!) temptations.  dumpster dive behind a grocer.  by law they have to toss things marked expired but in reality they're still good for a few more days at least.  things to get here are breads, can foods, etc.   yeah, i haven't done all the above tips.  just some ideas.

burned finger tip

no idea how this works.  it appears to be an asian remedy as i've heard it only from other yellows.  if you burn your finger, immediately hold your earlobe.

sunscreen tip

when applying sunscreen, don't forget the tip top of your forehead right next to your hairline.  and it's also important to apply behind your knees if you're going to the beach.  it hurts pretty bad if you get burned there.  and if you do get burned, noxzema or aloe is supposed to help.

ayurvedic tip

best sick medicine in the world is samahan, an ayurvedic powder from sri lanka.  my landlady gave me some in hawaii and it's awesome!  it's impossible to find here, you can order it online for $30 a box which keeps for 2 years.  there's powdered ginger in it which kills the pain in your throat.  i'm not usually one for medicine but i love that stuff!

napkin tip

this one is from my etiquette book.  when dining, if you need to leave your table for a minute, the napkin goes on your chair.  and when you're done eating, the napkin goes to the left of your dinner plate, not on it.  make sure no dirty part of the napkin is showing.  thank you to author sue fox and the midwife for gifting the book to me.

blood tip

chicks, keep tampons and pads in your car.

fave book tip

have a favorite book or at least one that you really like.  this is a very common question.  it boggles me when someone can't answer this one.  inside, i'm just like, "what do you mean?"  i love hearing people speak passionately about books they've read, even if it's a book i would never read for myself.

first manicure tip

go with a friend, it's 10 times more fun!  you can compliment each other's color choice and take dumb pictures of the final result.

teaching tip

when you're explaining something, speak slowly and ask, "do you understand?" a couple of times.  at the end of the lesson, ask, "do you have any questions?"  then let him practice.  if it's a complicated task, tell the person that he can come ask you questions if a problem should arise.  and you want to be nice.  no one wants to ask you a thing if you are going to be a grump.  so effing smile.

swimming tip

this one is for the antiwhiner.  i was wrong before.  when you're swimming, it looks like the best way to kick is with bending your legs.  at least that's how the olympians do it.

black and white tip

you can't really wear black and white stripes.  horizontal stripes make you look like a prisoner.  vertical stripes make you look like a ref.  diagonal stripes make you look like some sort of optical illusion.

kid tip

it might look like junk but to your kid, it could be valued treasure.  i'm still scarred from when my mom threw away my sacred sticker collection from when i was a kid.  ask before you toss.  if things get out of control, you can limit his junk to what fits in a large suitcase.

dirty look tip

develop a very strong "dirty look."  use it sparingly.  feel its power.

kid tip

don't cry in front of your kid.  it's confusing.  you're supposed to be the strong one, the pillar in your child's life.  if he sees you weak, it really shakes his foundation.  exceptions include things like funerals or the like.  but in general, if you have to cry, do it where your kids can't see.

kids lie tip

don't be one of those idiot parents who thinks their kids are perfect.  chances are if you think your kid is a saint, he completely takes advantage of you.  don't be a chump.

growth spurt tip

i guess this will be for you parents and parents to be.  when you're going through your growth spurt, make sure to play sports that make you even taller like swimming or basketball.  i didn't really take advantage of my growth spurt and am a pathetic height.

joke tip

memorize a few good jokes.  they can be lame, groanworthy ones.  in fact, i rather like those the best!  share them with friends and people you know.  here are two of my favorites:  what do you call other people's cheese?  nacho cheese.  and what did the fish say when he hit the sall?  dam.  laughter is a good thing.

baby tip

don't just assume that babies like to be tossed in the air.  it freaks some babies out.  they get a look of panicked constipation about the face.

email tip

sometimes i'm guilty of this too.  when responding to an email, before hitting reply, make sure you've answered all the questions the writer had asked of you.  it is beyond lame when i've had to ask someone the same, SIMPLE questions three times because of his failure to respond.  oh, he sends replies, just not with the answers i need.  don't be that person, it makes you appear careless and sloppy.

delegate tip

if you don't already do this, learn how to delegate.  it frees you to do other things.  i love teaching people things because now i've passed on knowledge, the people i teach have a valuable skill and they can help me out.  then i'm able to be creative and work on another project.

automatic toilet tip

i hate those automatic flushing toilets.  they're evil and will suck you and your ass into the abyss.  if you ever own a restaurant, don't have the automatic toilets.  just trust that people know how to flush.

how to avoid a speeding ticket

you're on the road, going fast, maybe a little too fast.  suddenly you see flashing red lights approaching.  have no fear, here's what you do.  get on your bluetooth and dial 911.  report a fake accident a few exits ahead.  the officer will be routed to that fake accident since it's a higher priority and you'll be scott free.  make sure your caller id is restricted otherwise you might have some explaining to do if they call you back.  and chp is notorious for their long wait times, which could be another wrench.  next time, just drive slower.

bluetooth tip

i hate my bluetooth headset because the sound pumps directly INTO your ear.  that freaks me out.  they should come out with a bluetooth that is mounted directly in your car.  some cars already have this.  it's this screen that looks very stealable in the front console area.  but i was thinking of having a small button/speaker system on the top rim of the driver's side.  that way it is not visible to a potential thief.  plus the sound isn't directly INSIDE your ear.  somebody go invent this.

radio idea

ok, wouldn't this be awesome--voice commanded radio.  you would hold down this button while driving and say "play bon jovi all" and all the bon jovi songs would play one by one.  or "play gaelic storm all scramble" and you'd get a random shuffle of gaelic storm songs.  or "play alternative" for alt music.  or "play classical no beethoven" for any classical music without ludwig.  or "play baby one more time"  is this already out there?  is someone working on it?  there's a crapload of money in that idea.  they could make it standard in luxury vehicles.  it might have to be some sort of satellite onstar thing.

cell tip

dear friends, take your cellphone with you.  make sure it's charged.  i like you.  i want to talk to you.  i want you to want to talk to me.

birthmark tip

if you have a birthmark, don't scratch it off.  one day i was bored and curiosity got the better of me.  i scratched off a flat birthmark on my right woble (otherside of the elbow).  it disappeared!  the skin was flesh colored.  a while later though it grew back, this time puffy!  it was like revenge of the birthmark.  and now i keep messing with it.  i probably look like a crack addict half the time, jonesing for my next fix.  but all i'm doing is rubbing the mound of birthmark-ness.

don't have crappy customer service tip

as you may know, i've got a new obsession with the power supply backpack by jansport. this magnificent beast of a bag has pockets galore and i first caught sight of it on the jansport website. ok so here's the dealie-o: i just want to make sure that one of the two big pockets is big enough to hold my lunchbox. so their website states the dimensions of the entire bag, but not for each individual pocket. i write a message via the website to inquire about the pocket dimension. wait . . . no response. i call their customer service number and speak with someone who says she doesn't have the info handy and that she'll call me back . . . it's been 2 weeks and no response. i go over to jansport headquarters and ask to see the backpack for two freaking minutes and am told they can't do that because they don't sell to the public. the receptionist calls customer service and they say the dimensions are 17x11.5x1.5. arghhhh! those are the dimensions of the laptop pocket, not the regular big pocket!!!! i fully appreciate that receptionist is just doing her job, i appreciate that there are rules that she needs to follow. i let her know that she's only given me the dimensions of the laptop sleeve and she said that's what customer service gave her. then i ask her for stores that may carry the bag. as i'm walking out the door, i see a random lady and say, "your customer service sucks." she listens patiently as i explain everything above, telling her that i've already tried multiple retail outlets with no avail. she takes down my number and promises that either she or someone else will give me a call back with the super simple information that i need. so now i'm waiting . . . the thing that really bothers me is that jansport backpacks are renowned for their quality. i've had a jansport since i was a little kid! their backpacks are sturdy and highly utilitarian. but man, you'd really think that a company with such an amazing product would have a customer service mission that matches it!

exercise tip

tv time provides a great opportunity to exercise. you can easily hula hoop for 1/2 an hour while watching a brainless sitcom.

underwear tip

invest in black underwear. it shows less when you've accidentally perioded on it. i've had to throw away plenty of good white underwear that way.

how to be helped tip

If you're waiting for someone who is in the act of providing you with service, don't you DARE tap your fingers impatiently on the wooden table. I have no problems being purposefully slow with people like that.

fun tip

go use the peddle boats at Lake Chabot.

germaphobe tip

Before you wash your hands in a public restroom, get your paper towel first. That way you're not touching the filthy lever on the dispenser after your hands are pristine.

hiking tip

Joaquin Miller Park up in Oakland is a lovely place to hike and they've got a parking lot so that's not an issue.

carpal tunnel tip

Sometimes I use my left hand to control the mouse to avoid workplace injury.

restaurant service tip

They do this awesome thing at Bubba Gumps where there's a clear sign on each table that either says "Run Forrest Run" or "Stop Forrest Stop." And depending on how you've flipped the sign, a waitstaff will come to your table even if it's not the person who took your order. Why the heck aren't more restaurants doing this?! Instead, I swear they come by when you're mouth is full and ask, "Is everything OK this evening?"

gear shifting tip

I recently learned that when you are shifting gears, you don't want your bike chain to go diagonally because this stretches the chain and causes it to break down quickly. My bike is 21 speeds. Basically this means that there are 3 shifting options on my left handle bar and 7 shifting options on my right handle bar. The left shifter works the gears near the pedals and the right shifter works the gears on the rear wheel.

When you go uphill, you will want to DOWNshift. That makes it easier to peddle. When you downshift your left hand shifter, it moves from a bigger gear to a smaller one. So I think you can imagine that it's a lot easier to pedal a small gear than a big one.

And to avoid a diagonal chain, you can follow this chart:
left gear 1, use right gear 1, 2 and 3
left gear 2, use right gear 3, 4 and 5
left gear 3, use right gear 5, 6, and 7.

reading instructions tips

Seriously, when you're doing something for the very first time, take a quick minute to effing look around and see if there are any instructions! I swear, there are freaking signs everywhere and generally people don't bother looking at them! Case in point, there's a very clear sign that tells people how to place paper on the copier glass, but 90% of the time, they come back and ASK! And this is already AFTER I've pointed them to the VERY CLEAR sign!

stay awake tip

In order to stay awake, I used to chew gum on the 1.5 hour ride driving to and from Davis.

scratch paper tip

Use old, opened envelopes and junk mail envelopes as scratch paper. They've got the perfect size to make grocery lists, etc.

what's wrong tip

"Is there anything bothering you?" is infinitely better than, "Why are you being such a bitch?"

giving directions tip

When you're in a car and giving directions, instead of saying "right," you should say "correct." Otherwise your driver might make a right hand turn when that's not what you want.

nailpolish tip

It's a lot of layers. A clear base coat, then a coat of whatever color you want. Then another coat of that same color. Then a clear finishing coat.

clothes tip

This is another way I save extra bucks. At Old Navy and other fine clothing lines, I can get away with wearing a big boy's. My jean jacket that I adore is actually a boy's. They had a similar jacket for lady's but it was more expense. Similarly with pants I sometimes get boys.

sunlight tip

Dude, if there's enough light out, turn off your lamp. It boggles my mind how the stadium has all its lights on when it's broad daylight out! Plus, natural light is better for reading than artificial light.

laundry tips

This is a tip that I got from Eve Lin years ago. You don't really have to hand wash bras. If you throw them in a mesh bag (along with your half socks), you can toss them into the washing machine. I always take the bras out to hang dry though, the half socks you can toss in the dryer though.

Also, I reuse dryer sheets. You can use one sheet for many dryer loads! I store it in my mesh bag and before I dump everything in the washing machine, I take it out so I don't accidentally wash it.

OK, I've got one more. You can toss the detergent measuring cup into your wash, it'll be fine. I used to just use the cup to measure, then I'd wash it out in the sink, but that was before I knew you could toss it into the washing machine without any problems.

Oh and another efficiency tip! I tend to purchase clothes that don't bleed. When I do laundry I don't separate the colors. Everything just gets washed together. Additionally, I avoid articles that are dry clean only.

salad tip

this one is from my jay: she says caramelized pecans are an excellent topping for salad.

511 tip

you can call 511 to hear about traffic conditions on the freeway. the voice recognition feature isn't that great though.

late tip

if you're running late, call the people who are expecting you. that way they won't worry. plus, you'll save them the effort of taking the time out to call YOU.

and if you're chronically late, that means you have to leave your house earlier.

public service tip

when helping customers, smile. it doesn't really matter if you don't feel like. it doesn't matter if you're having a crap day. it doesn't matter if you didn't get enough sleep. you're paid to help these people accomplish their goals.

if they're jerks, then you don't need to smile. but start the interaction off with some effing kindness.

dirty car fix

jen r says a silver paint job on a car hides dirt and dust really well. on both black and white cars, it's really obvious when your car needs to be washed.

best soap and shampoo tip

best soap is ivory because it's so pure and it doesn't leave a film on your skin like some of those freaking girly soaps like caress.

best shampoo is pert because it takes care of dandruff and has built in conditioner. it smells better than head and shoulders too.

easy sock folding tip

put one sock on top of the other. fold them in half together the long way. stack each pair vertically with your other socks. you'll have a row of vertical pairs of socks.

how to take notes

write fast, come up with a bunch of shorthand notations, eg. a triangle means change, bc for because, ie. means for example, etc. after your class, go back and read over your notes. a couple of days later, read over your notes again.

oil change tip

they're cheap at walmart $27 ish and they check all sorts of stuff like windshield wiper fluid, tire pressure, etc.

spaceship tip

if you ever have to entertain kids, it's fun to crawl underneath the dining room table and pretend it's a spaceship. you can have an adventure and blast off into a far reaching galaxy.

water bottle tip

if you keep on reusing crystal geyser water bottles, you have to scrub the threading at the mouth of the bottle. Have you ever smelled the opening of a bottle after you've drunk out of it for more than 2 days? It stinks. Bacteria central.

fake smile tip

if only your mouth is smiling, it doesn't look like a real smile. you have to kind of scrunch up your eyes too. if your mouth is upturned and your eyes are still big, you look like a goober. i make that face sometimes just to amuse myself.

half socks tips

One day we were at Lisa's house just chilling out and Jen H was wearing these socks that covered the 4-5 inches of foot at the toe. These socks are great for clogs and slip on closed toe shoes. I have many pairs . . .

computer help tip

If you're helping someone on the computer, it's helpful to point to the monitor and say, "Click here." Careful not to smudge the screen though :o)

toilet paper in taiwan tip

bring your own, a lot of times bathrooms don't supply them. not that anyone reading this is going to go to taiwan anytime soon . . .

safeway tip

In case you didn't already know this, at Safeway, when something is advertised as 2 for $5, you can just buy ONE for $2.50. You don't have to actually buy two to get the discount.

umbrella tip

I hate carrying things around. When it rains, I bring an umbrella but once I'm done with it, I put it in a plastic bag and throw it in my backpack. So I've got this story, completely tragic too . . . I was really little and my mom and I were riding the bus. This is before she had a car. It was a rainy day and I'd brought my perfect, wonderful, kid's umbrella. We got off the bus when we reached our destination and after a few minutes I realized I left my umbrella on the bus. Of course, I was heartbroken and my mom made me feel super guilty about losing my umbrella. Ever since then, I've been paranoid about holding things.

So if you're like me and lose crap, or are afraid of losing crap, then put your wet umbrella in a plastic bag and throw it in your backpack so the rest of your stuff doesn't get wet.

carnations tip

carnations are ugly. they should be classified as weeds.

wd-40 tip

wd-40 can be used to remove adhesives. you just spray it on the sticker and let it soak in a few minutes, then wash it off. i just used it on a couple of new pyrex bread loaf pans.

packpack tip

My current obsession is a Jansport Power Supply backpack. I was considering the Jansport Merit as well. Both have lots of pockets! The Merit has a pocket on the very front that is open. See, that's a big turnoff for me because when it rains, the pocket and its contents get soaked! Someone needs to create an aesthetically pleasing backpack that is completely waterproof. I've seen a couple out there and they're fairly hideous.

hard to understand tip

here's another librarian tip: if someone asks you a question and you don't understand what he/she is saying, have the person write it down.

amazon free shipping tip

use this website to find items to qualify for your "spend $25 for free shipping on selected items on amazon" offer.

http://filleritem.com/index.html

the format isn't that great but it's really better than nothing. amazon should really have a way to search for JUST free shipping items. but they probably want you to keep on searching slowly so you end up buying more crap.

cargo pants

i love cargo pants! extra pockets? yes please! and those vests with multipockets? i think they may be used for fishing. if i thought i could pull off that look, i'd be sporting one every day.

low toner tip

for at least some printers, if you shake the toner when the printer display says it's getting low, you can get another good two weeks out of it.

highlighter tip

yellow fades over time. use green or pink which has more staying power.

pyrex versus baking sheet tip

since a baking sheet is a better conductor of heat than pyrex, when you bake, you might have to increase the temp or cook time when using pyrex. oh and if something takes a long time to heat up, it also takes a long time to cool down. so you'll be able to touch the aluminum sheet sooner than you'd be able to touch the pyrex.

the bra fix

if your bra straps fall off your shoulders, you can use yarn to tie the straps together so they stay on. when you do the laundry the yarn can just stay tied to the straps. make sure to use nonitchy yarn otherwise you'll be miserable.

cleaners tip

Apparently not everyone picks up their clothes when they go to the laundromat and occasionally laundromats will have sales of really cheap clothes. I know someone who got 10 dress shirts for $1 each. This is just a tip I'm passing on, I've never actually bought clothes from a cleaner's sale.

answering the phone tip

When people answer the phone and speak really quickly, it makes them sound rude. They may think they're being "efficient," but to the person on the other end of the line, it might feel like they're not taking the time to have a good phone call. Additionally, when someone speaks so quickly, it's hard to understand what he/she is saying. So, try to slow down your speech when you pick up the phone.

sterling silver tip

You don't need that fancy pants solution to clean sterling silver. Instead, you can just use toothpaste and a scrap piece of cloth. Note that the cloth will turn black as the tarnish is rubbed off.

Shoe Tips--Tevas

Everyone should have at least one pair of Teva sandals. A Jewish friend once told me that Teva means water in Hebrew. I've heard them called "TEE-vuhs," but my friend assures me they're called "TEH-vuhs." Ever since Jen Meltz swore by her Tevas in 10th grade science, I've wanted a pair. Then when I was living in Taiwan I became even more obsessed. A couple of years ago I finally bought a pair. I love them, they are super awesome waterproof sandals that feel comfortable for hiking and general summerwear.